closer to the clouds

gentle giant

2012-01-13T11:43:00.000-08:00

I have decided that Owen has an elephant spirit about him. He is researching and studying elephants right now and earlier today we read this together...

"Elephants are powerful, but they are also sensitive, intelligent creatures that live in close, caring families. They are strong enough to topple a tree but gentle enough to pick a flower with their trunks."

Owen is definitely part elephant.

64

2012-01-10T17:15:00.000-08:00

Today's high temperature was 64. This number is important to me today for 2 reasons. The first is because it meant I was blessed to see the bees fly in the middle of January. The second is my kids ran around the back yard, with some of the best of friends, like crazy people.

Tomorrow it will be snowing and 24. I will find a reason for that to be important to me tomorrow.

spaces

2012-01-07T13:36:00.000-08:00

the tea is hot
the snow falls
the noise of children is hushed for now
the book is worth it
the man is near
the space is good

better late than never

2012-01-06T13:16:00.000-08:00

The new year begins...ready or not...

Life needs to be simple right now.
This is good.

the wise youth

2012-01-02T20:21:00.000-08:00

Mark was having a particularly challenging day...
Ethan says "Dad, you just need to drink lots of water and stay calm."

my girls

2011-12-26T19:23:00.000-08:00

old school

2011-06-07T07:29:00.000-07:00

winning combo

2011-05-17T08:18:00.000-07:00

"a curious mother and a library card can offer a stellar education"
~Ann Voskamp

in the dark

2011-04-27T19:26:00.000-07:00

This has been a quiet season of hidden work...a place of abiding in the quiet, even the dark...jewels being found in a mine. But, life emerges none the less.

These are some pictures of our new colony of bees and the beautiful art they have created since we were privileged enough to receive them in the middle of April. They are at work on 6 different combs. So much is done in the dark...

10,000+ bees at work

some capped brood comb

Queen Phoebe - top middle

one of the larger combs

perspective on size of the comb...fat middle finger from a sting

faking

2011-01-02T17:40:00.000-08:00

Ethan: Dad, I am going to stop doing the fake brushing.
Mark: Huh?
E: My teeth! Usually, I just turn on the water. Rub, my hands on my shirt so it sounds like I am brushing and then tap my toothbrush on the side of the sink so it sounds like I am getting the water out of my toothbrush.
M: Wait a second, are you revealing your secrets for getting around the system.
E: Yes I am because I am not going to do it any more. I am getting cavities from it.
M: How many times have you done it?
E: 6

author

2010-12-17T12:43:00.000-08:00

Today was Fairy Tale Day for Ethan's last day of school before the winter break. He wrote his own fairy tale. Surpirsed he named it "The Brave Little Boy"? Not me!

I noticed on his title page he had edited it (with an eraser). The original title was "Brave Little Ethan". At least he doesn't have any doubts about what's inside him!

slower

2010-12-16T05:59:00.000-08:00

"Whenever Christmas begins to burden, it’s a sign that I’ve taken on something of the world and not of Christ.

Christ the Babe comes in Christmas as Christ the Savior comes on the Cross — seeking only our embrace.

What if I laid down efforts and expectations, perfectionism and performance, and simply waited with arms and heart and eyes wide open?

...The slower we take the days of Advent, the more places we find Christ and Christmas — and the Light that warms."

~ Ann Voskamp

merry christmas

2010-12-15T12:42:00.000-08:00

silence

2010-12-08T05:46:00.000-08:00

December 3 - Celtic Daily Prayer

"It seems strange to say, but what can help modern man find the answers to his own mystery and the mystery of Him in whose image he is created, is silence, solitude - in a word, the desert...If we are always to be available, not only physically, but by empathy, sympathy, friendship, understanding, boundless 'caritas' (means dearness, high price. By extension it may take on the meaning of affection, esteem, love. But that love is the altruistic kind, of charity owards others), we need silence. To be able to give joyous, unflagging hopsitality, not only of house and food, but of mind, heart, body and soul, we need silence.

True silence is the search of any person for God.

True silence is a suspension bridge that a soul in love with God builds across the dark, frightening gullies of its own mind, the strange chasms of temptation, the depth-less precipices of its own fears that impede its way to God.

True silence is the speech of lovers. For only love knows its beauty, completeness, and utter joy.

True silence is a garden enclosed, where alone the soul can meet its God. It is a sealed fountain that He alone can unseal to slake the soul's infinite thirst for him."

Isaiah 58:11 NLT
The Lord will guide you continually,
giving you water when you are dry
and restoring your strength.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like an ever-flowing spring.
Some of you will rebuild the deserted ruins of your cities.
Then you will be known as a rebuilder of walls
and a restorer of homes.

wonderful indeed

2010-12-01T20:18:00.000-08:00

“Christ will come to you offering His consolation, if you prepare a fit dwelling for Him in your heart, whose beauty and glory, wherein He takes delight, are all from within. His visits with the inward man are frequent, His communion sweet and full of consolation, His peace great, and His intimacy wonderful indeed.”

~ Thomas A Kempis

soak

2010-11-10T19:34:00.001-08:00

“Soak continually in the one great truth of which you have had a vision; take it to bed with you, sleep with it, rise up in the morning with it. Continually bring your imagination into captivity to it and slowly and surely as the months and years go by, God will make you one of His specialists in that particular truth.”

-Oswald Chambers

face paint gone bad

2010-11-03T06:16:00.000-07:00

We had a lovely weekend celebrating all things fall. Unfortunately, Audrey had a run-in with face paint that we will hopefully not repeat. After enjoying a "princess face" for most of the day on Sunday we cleaned her face before bed but apparently the damage to her precious skin was already done. She woke Monday morning looking like this (and not very interested in getting her picture taken)...

...OUCH!!

not only beautiful

2010-10-13T12:52:00.000-07:00

Today my little beauty is 4!

I was writing about her this morning...musing over her short but full life...and came to the conclusion that she actually knows herself very well...which I consider quite an accomplishment when you are 4. I know this about her because the song we hear her singing most often is...

"I'm not only beautiful...I'm extra, extra tough" (but she says "exter" which makes it all the more cute if that is even possible)

This is very true of Audrey. Her beauty spills out of her over and over again but so does her strength. I am so delighted in the image of God she bears.

Happy Birthday to my Audrey-girl.

those chinese

2010-10-06T13:33:00.000-07:00

Unless we change our direction, we are likely to end up where we are headed.
~ Chinese Proverb

back to school

2010-08-18T12:33:00.001-07:00

This has been such a week...one to remember.
Outside of each day's moments to remember there have been a few that I am sure to never forget.

Ethan started second grade on Monday. He was anxious to go back to school but not overly so...we had a great summer. I did a little interview on the morning of his first day back. He was most looking forward to friends (no surprise there), happy to ride the bus, hoping to eat chicken nuggets and chocolate milk once and a while and still ready to walk away without saying good-bye or a "see you later."

The first day was a bit of a shock to his summer system. He told Mark he had some trouble with his teacher...she wanted him to do an activity or two...Of all the nerve! But, true to form he was raring to go the next day and even more excited this morning when his little brother would join him.

The school asked that parents drop off kindergartners for the first day at the door to there classroom...as if there is another way to get your ever present 5 year old off to their first day of school and without the complete meltdown of all mothers involved. Did they really need to ask? I don't know if I could have added "put Owen on the bus" to the day's to do list and still kept my heart in functional pieces. However, dropping him off at his classroom was still one of those moments...the kind where reality smacks your heart so hard you remember you are alive...because liquid starts running down your face!

Owen was excited in a subdued way and only had about 15 seconds of visible nerves...he sat close, took a deep breath and laid his head on my lap (as he has so many times in his 5 years)...but this passed quickly as I prayed in his ear for Jesus to help the strength He has put in Owen's heart to rise up and help him to face all the new things he would experience today.

After his teacher welcomed them he found his spot in the boy line and barely looked back before heading off to the adventure. I wouldn't have expected any different from this wise boy.

And, along for the ride (in many ways), are my precious girls...

Once we got home I could tell Audrey was a little misplaced. She sat at the table very quietly (anyone who knows her is aware that this is nearly impossible). After about 10 minutes of writing on a wipe board she turned a very sad face to me and on the verge of tears said, "I don't want to wait so long for the boys to come home."

We had our moment together and have enjoyed a wonderful morning together ever since. This will be very different for her and a complete do-over for me...girl-style! The last time I spend significant time with a 3 and 1 year old like this it was Ethan and Owen. What a blessing to have these days with my girls now.

What great expectancy I have for this school year...
what a wonderful husband and children to enjoy it with...
what a good God to bless us so richly.

tears

2010-08-17T20:40:00.000-07:00

Owen goes to kindergarten tomorrow.
I think I will go have a good cry.

update

2010-08-16T20:20:00.000-07:00

I have been wanting to change how my blog looks but it is a long process which I don't really desire to spend the time on. But, I also don't really enjoy leaving things un-done. Oh well...guess I am going to have to live with it until I can get access my computer ninja.

provocative

2010-08-16T05:57:00.000-07:00

"Do you know what you’re trying to make happen? Are you willing to pay the price?"

- from Monday Morning Memo...Roy H Williams

blind?

2010-08-02T06:50:00.001-07:00

"Each of us has 2 kinds of blind spots. The first blind spot is a negative trait of which you are unaware. Everyone around you sees it, but you can’t. The second blind spot is a talent or gift you assume to be common to everyone, but it isn’t. It’s your gift and yours alone."

Roy H. Williams

above all...

2010-07-04T16:31:00.001-07:00

Above all, trust in the slow work of God...

Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
We are quite naturally impatient in everything
to reach the end without delay.
We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way
to something unknown,
something new.
Yet it is the law of all progress that is made
by passing through some stages of instability
and that may take a very long time.

And so I think it is with you.
Your ideas mature gradually. Let them grow.
Let them shape themselves without undue haste.
Do not try to force them on
as though you could be today what time
-- that is to say, grace --
and circumstances
acting on your own good will
will make you tomorrow.
Only God could say what this new Spirit
gradually forming in you will be.

Give our Lord the benefit of believing
that his hand is leading you,
and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself
in suspense and incomplete.
Above all, trust in the slow work of God,
our loving vine-dresser.

.......Amen

Pierre Teilhard de Chardin (May 1, 1881--April 10, 1955)

(...Jesuit priest/French philosopher/geologist/paleontologist...)

official

2010-06-23T13:41:00.000-07:00

SUMMER HAS OFFICIALLY BEGUN!

I feel like we needed a couple weeks to practice and I am proud to say we are definitely experts by now...

...sleeping in
...staying up late
...perpetually soggy wet towels and swim suits
...friends
...minimal oven use
...fresh fresh fresh food
...mountain fun

...and it has only just begun.

Yeah for SUMMER!!!

my first

2010-05-02T13:57:00.000-07:00

It was a big month for Ethan in April. Actually, it has been a big year for him. My first born has taken on many challenges and done a lot of growing.

He had been working on a saving project for some time. He had his eye on the "Big Bad Bow" (when you read it you have to lower your voice and pretend you are the big bad wolf). Nerf has taken over our home since the beginning of the year and true to form Ethan's interest was in the bow/arrow version. He was $1 away from his goal and his shrewd little brother gave him the last dollar. Can you tell he was pleased...

Ethan isn't too fond of losing his teeth. Actually, he enjoys the tooth fairy party ALOT. But, he can't stand having someone mess around in his mouth (which is actually a hobby of his momma's so it creates some tension)...not even himself. His front teeth have been loose since November of last year. One of them was far more out then in...

it took some encouragement from Daddy's magic tooth-pulling washcloth...

And probably most importantly to him...he turned 7 years old (impossible!).
He chose a Wilderness Explorer's Campout (named by Ethan himself) as the way he wanted to celebrate his birthday. Of course, in a 6 year old - soon to be 7 year old - boy's mind, this could involve NO girls! So, he had his cousin, a buddy from church, a buddy from school and his ever present buddy - Owen and the girls took off to Aunt Amy's. Fun was had by all...

Oh, and apparently, when you turn seven you need to start shaving but you still want to take baths.

worth a few minutes

2010-05-02T08:16:00.000-07:00

"You probably have a limiting factor in your life that’s holding you back.

A limiting factor may be a habit, a preferred chemical or an attitude that hinders your advancement, your happiness, your future.

Can you think of a creative way to remove the limiting factor from your life?

“Creative thinking may mean simply the realization that there's no particular virtue in doing things the way they always have been done.”
- Dr. Rudolph Flesch,
writing consultant and author of Why Johnny Can't Read

You are your own best teacher. You know where you’re coming from and what you’re all about. You know where the bodies are buried and the names of skeletons in your closet.

You also know the answer to your problem. But you don’t yet know what you know.

How can we get you to realize what you already know? How can we brighten your future?

ANSWER: Interactive journaling.

“I never know what I think about something until I read what I've written on it.”
- William Faulkner, winner of the Nobel Prize

Faulkner was like you and me. We learn our minds when we write our thoughts.

The problem with our century is that we are constantly distracted; “Too much to do, too little time.” Writing dictates a frame of mind we rarely experience today.

Writing moves us from the emotional confusion of right brain, abstract thought*, to the logic and clarity of left brain, analytical thought. This is why we think writing is difficult.Interactive Journaling focuses your thoughts and quiets your mind so you can hear yourself say what you know to be true.

I’m traveling to Carson City, Nevada, to spend a couple of days with Don Kuhl, the grand poobah of Interactive Journaling. I hope to convince Don to craft the Interactive Journaling portion of Dr. Lori Barr’s new class at Wizard Academy, Optimism for Beginners.

Don is CEO of The Change Companies, the publisher of the behavior modification curriculums used by the better rehab programs across America.

Interactive Journaling has turned countless addicts into model citizens. I believe it might also be able to turn pessimists into optimists.

At its heart, Interactive Journaling is a series of written questions that students may answer however they choose. But these answers must be written down.

In this private, inner world of the mind, there’s no one with whom you can argue. There is no authority figure trying to impose his or her will. The only teacher is your own experience. The only voice you hear is yours.

Interactive Journaling facilitates behavior change quietly and affordably. Are there behaviors you would like to see changed in: your employees? your students? your kids? yourself?"

~ Roy Williams

makes me laugh every time

2010-05-01T13:55:00.000-07:00

Elyse loves the trampoline. I love being close by when she is on it because her hair always looks like this and it makes me smile!

recent cuteness

2010-04-30T14:14:00.000-07:00

first steps

2010-03-24T14:16:00.000-07:00

does it count?

quote

2010-03-07T09:26:00.000-08:00

"When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail."
~ Unknown

the man is FIVE!

2010-01-29T15:56:00.000-08:00

We are celebrating our delightful second born on this 29th day of January...His 5th birthday!

Owen is...Nov 2009

~O-Tastic! (nickname since birth)
~happiest with a toy in hand and his brother to play with.
~a cereal lover (gross!)...to the order of 3 bowls for breakfast every morning that his momma will allow it.
~tender and tough (lovely combination if you ask me).
~SO curious and perceptive. This makes him ask wonderful questions and make astute observations. (ie. "Momma, I can't see my own face!")
~a super-sleuth. If we can't find something Owen knows where it is!
~a complete JOY!

Nov 2009

January 29, 2009 - 4th Birthday
He looks like such a baby in this picture...my he has grown this year!

good year

2010-01-25T19:21:00.000-08:00

It feels like New Years Eve was an age ago now. We had such fun partying in the new year with our kiddos. We played paper football, had a talent show, demonstrated feats of strength, watched a movie, ate good treats, colored, and generally "made merry"! They were allowed to decide when they went to bed (Elyse was such a party pooper...heading to bed at 7pm). We figured they would drift off by 10 or 11. We figured wrong! Here is our "Welcome 2010" toast at midnight...

Mark and I were a lot worse off than they were. They weren't even CLOSE to being tired. (Plus, I am certain my hair couldn't look any worse this year than at the moment that picture was taken...so I've got that going for me this year).

We christened the year with a walk and some crisp play at the park. Here's to being outside even more in 2010..
2010 has also brought the increased curiosity and mobility of a certain 1 year old...

It's been a good year! I love these people!

pull the plug?

2010-01-23T17:42:00.000-08:00

Should a blog be kept alive when it is running on "life support" only?

elyse is one!

2009-12-21T10:50:00.000-08:00

December 22, 2008

Today - December 21, 2009

how to eat breakfast like a man

2009-12-09T13:00:00.000-08:00

i just gotta say...

2009-12-08T10:45:00.000-08:00

I am crazy about my children and I am SO pleased to be able to spend my day with them!

enjoy this quote

2009-11-19T09:23:00.001-08:00

Winston Churchill said, "There is a special moment when a person is figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered the chance to do a very special thing, unique to him and fitted to his talent; what a tragedy if that moment finds him unprepared or unqualified for the work which would have been his finest hour."

audrey-girl is 3!

2009-10-12T15:38:00.000-07:00

Today we celebrated the precious life of this spunky girl we have been blessed to call our daughter...

October 09

September 09

August 09

July 09

June 09

May 09

April 09

March 09

February 09

January 09

December 08

November 08

October 08 - Audrey's 2nd Birthday

words that can bring life

2009-09-10T14:46:00.000-07:00

Letting this sink in...
From a newsletter from "The Noble Heart"...

"Erwin McManus wrote in his book Stand Against the Wind, "When we are in love with ourselves, we are prone to listen only to what we want to hear. We become willing to trade insight for affirmation. We want to feel good about ourselves more than we want to become good."

The pursuit of God and our calling is through the restoration and release of our heart. It is desire, not duty; passion, not passivity that leads and compel us in this pursuit. And yet on this narrow road of desire and passion, we are exposed to the deadly sheer drop-offs of self-centeredness.

To travel this essential road, we must build guard rails - structures that will save our life when we are too close to the edge, but may feel damaging when we encounter them.

Often our guard rails are the words of our friends."

joy

2009-09-02T12:13:00.000-07:00

Okay, so there is joy to be had while potty training...

impromptu family photo

2009-08-27T18:55:00.000-07:00

very,very welcome

2009-08-20T09:19:00.000-07:00

A delightful truth of the heart of my Father...I am very, very welcome!

"Keep reminding yourself that your feelings of being unwelcome do not come from God and do not tell the truth. The Prince of Darkness wants you to believe that your life is a mistake and that there is no home for you. But every time you allow these thoughts to affect you, you set out on the road of self-destruction. So you have to keep unmasking the lie and think, speak, and act according to the truth that you are very, very welcome." -Henri Nouwen, The Dance of Life

saying goodbye to summer

2009-08-16T18:17:00.001-07:00

thankful...

2009-07-06T19:40:00.000-07:00

that Mark is not going to jail for 6 months and we don't have to pay a $750 fine.
He missed jury duty!

Thankfully they are going to reschedule him...without any penalty.

lasts

2009-06-29T14:33:00.000-07:00

These are hard days but not for the reasons I expected.
My heart is feeling the full measure of so many lasts...

to behold the beauty of the Lord

2009-06-29T14:08:00.000-07:00

The beauty of the Lord comes in all forms.
Yesterday it came in the form of this...

from a family that is growing in dear-ness...actually from the kids. There are 6 kids - 7 and under. They heard our garage sale was a bust and so they raided their piggy banks to contribute $12.56 to our trampoline fund.

Absolutely beautiful!

2009-06-28T14:28:00.000-07:00

true north

2009-06-04T13:56:00.000-07:00

I was the catcher so I couldn't be in the picture.

Read this on another blog and love how it encourages my heart toward my current true north...intentionality with my children.

Enjoy...

Here is a list of Seven Gifts Which Do Not Cost a Cent:

1. The gift of listening - But you must really listen. No interrupting, no daydreaming, no planning your response ... just listen.

2. The gift of affection - with appropriate hugs, kisses, snuggling, pats on the back and handholding. These small actions demonstrate love in a powerful way.

3. The gift of laughter - share amusing stories, humorous cartoons, jokes, etc. Laughter establishes a bond between people.

4. The gift of a handwritten note - kind words change lives and last a lifetime.

5. The gift of a compliment - a simple, kind and sincere remark can change how a person feels about him/herself.

6. The gift of a favor - the simplest things like getting a glass of juice for your child or putting away hubby's shoes for him may not seem like much but demonstrate kindness to others in a big way.

7. The gift of a cheerful disposition - the easiest way to feel good is to extend a kind word to someone. look him/her in the eye and speak kindly, from the heart with sincerity. {Proverbs 15:13 A Happy heart makes the face cheerful.}

better indeed

2009-06-01T13:36:00.000-07:00

"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."
- Cyril Connolly

someone to hold

2009-05-07T19:38:00.000-07:00

it's all about the toppings

2009-05-07T07:21:00.000-07:00

I am not sure who could argue with our thought that food is often just a form of entertainment...so much for whole grain waffles...bring on the "lip-cream", as Ethan calls it.

Lorrie is...

2009-04-20T07:45:00.000-07:00

enjoying the sound of my children singing while they color... while they enjoy each other.

(Posting because I don't have a facebook profile...and don't plan to!)

what do you think?

2009-04-20T07:44:00.001-07:00

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. (Marianne Williamson)

delight

2009-04-17T16:44:00.001-07:00

I interrupt this blog famine to share my sheer delight in my darling husband...
who breaks the mold of "giving it your all"
this is delightful in many ways...
but today, its the way he plays that brings such joy to my life...

Now that is a snow fort!
Good thing it was recycling day!

oh darlin'

2009-03-30T14:58:00.000-07:00

visitors

2009-03-04T14:53:00.000-08:00

We enjoyed a lovely break from reality with Mark's parents this last weekend. Because of the incredible weather we were able to enjoy a few of our favorite hikes. The kids were especially delighted by the invitation for individual sleepovers with Papa and Nana at the "hooteal" (Audrey's incredibly cute way of saying hotel).

Here are a few of the 600+ pictures that were taken...

denver valentine's day

2009-02-14T13:08:00.000-08:00

my little lovelies

happy to be here

special delivery to neighbors

our valentine tradition...chinese and fancy drinks

Ethan-son enjoying his dinnermy littlest valentine

hallelujah

2009-02-08T12:36:00.000-08:00

Elyse just took a nap!!!

Also, love these pictures...

Owen's Day

2009-01-29T13:27:00.000-08:00

Today my Owen is four. It is hard to believe that four whole years has passed since he joined our family. I remember that day so well and yet there are so many days in between then and now that I cannot recall at all. I think that is why it feels like our children grow so fast. Because one day is remembered so vividly...and others completely forgotten. I could re-live the day of his birth easily and yet a day from last month or even last week would be a real challenge. I hope today is a slow day...easily recalled because we celebrated such a special boy so well.

Our nickname for Owen has always been O-tastic! We have at times called him our little Gimli too...it is the short legs and fierce heart!

Happy Birthday Owen...my second born "middle" sharer,
my blankie eater (you should see it)...my emotion wearing, sparkly eyed, tight-end built man in the making...my sensitive, cuddly, "enjoys his momma" boy.

merry christmas

2008-12-23T14:52:00.000-08:00

Our hearts are full of Christmas as we celebrate the arrival of Elyse Noel Hostetler. Our girl arrived on Sunday December 21st at 5:51pm. She was 7 pounds 6 ounces and 19 1/2 inches long. She has the loveliest pink skin and we think she may have one dimple on her right cheek. Siblings are delighted and instantly older.

Life slows down and in lots of ways stops for us for the short-term. We covet your prayers for the moments and days ahead. The word/place we feel the Father has invited us to during this time is "savor". Pray for the moments when this is opposed and all of what we face seems to be set against this precious place/time He has for us.

Thank you for all of the precious words/thoughts/prayers you have sent our way as we welcomed her. We are loved and we know it.

welcome

2008-12-21T22:37:00.001-08:00

highlight

2008-12-19T07:53:00.000-08:00

Although we have enjoyed our Christmas tree for about 2 weeks now it was our experience of getting it that makes it so special. We took a day, the first weekend in December, and headed to the mountains to cut down our tree with our beloved Kirk and Kathy and new friend Megan. We went to the national forest in Fraser/Winter Park because they didn't require you to purchase the permit ahead of time. We decided quickly that the drive alone was worth the price of the permit - although $10 for a Christmas tree is quite a steal if you ask me - especially since it wasn't dead when we got it. And, our day ended up being priceless so the $10 is a wash and the Christmas tree is bonus.

be blessed

2008-12-18T19:22:00.000-08:00

It will take you 5 minutes to read but your heart will know The Great Heart with a little more clarity and you will worship...

http://www.ransomedheartblog.com/john/2008/12/a-christmas-devotion.html

what I want

2008-12-09T13:58:00.000-08:00

I have wanted this for YEARS.
Each year, the closer we get to Christmas the more often I look at it and wish for it...
Maybe next year I will actually plan for it.

I think what I really want is what it represents in my heart.
My desire grows each year for the simple devotion depicted in this nativity set...
the hearts laid bare...
the unexplainable mystery of their featureless faces.

I want what I "sense" was present with them as they experienced "God among us" in those first moments of wonder, agony, struggle, joy and the later days of delight, sorrow, pain, expectancy, confusion, doubt.

I want it to be real.

(And, I'd really like to have the nativity set too!)

believe

2008-12-05T07:34:00.000-08:00

letting this sink in...again
and then thinking about the real meaning of Christmas...

"You are the son/daughter of a kind, strong, and engaged Father, a Father wise enough to guide you in the Way, generous enough to provide for your journey, offering to walk with you every step.

This is perhaps the hardest thing for us to believe—really believe, down deep in our hearts, so that it changes us forever, changes the way we approach each day.

I believe this is the core issue of our shared dilemma. We just don’t believe it. Our core assumptions about the world boil down to this: We are on our own to make life work. We are not watched over. We are not cared for. When we are hit with a problem, we have to figure it out ourselves, or just take the hit. If anything good is going to come our way, we’re the ones who are going to have to arrange for it. Many of us have called upon God as Father, but, frankly, he doesn’t seem to have heard. We’re not sure why. Maybe we didn’t do it right. Maybe he’s about more important matters. Whatever the reason, our experience of this world has framed our approach to life. We believe we are fatherless.

Whatever life has taught us, and though we may not have put it into these exact words, we feel that we are alone. Simply look at the way men live. If I were to give an honest assessment of my life for the past thirty years, I’d have to confess the bulk of it as Striving and Indulging. Pushing myself hard to excel, taking on the battles that come to me with determination but also with a fear-based drivenness, believing deep down inside that there is no one I can trust to come through for me. Striving. And then, arranging for little pleasures along the way to help ease the pain of the drivenness and loneliness. Dinners out, adventure gear. Indulging. A fatherless way to live.

...You are the son/daughter of a kind, strong, and engaged Father, a Father wise enough to guide you in the Way, generous enough to provide for your journey, offering to walk with you every step."

(The Way of The Wild Heart , 22-24)

my owen

2008-12-04T19:08:00.000-08:00

I found great delight in my Owen today.

He is my "investigative questions" guy. Today, two of the things he asked me were: "What if I were a light?" and "What if an octopus wore a coat?" After I gave him some sort of answer, or asked a question back to try to understand more of what he was thinking he said, "I was just laying in my bed thinking about that."

When he was a baby we called him "Owen, the Wise." He just looked like a wise soul...like a little Gandolf.

I think we were right.

can you relate?

2008-12-04T18:48:00.000-08:00

a kindred spirit, one of "my people", sent this to me...

"Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not
my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind
and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night
watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of
having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond
between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
the joy,
the love,
the heartache,
the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,
before I was a Mom ."

another step

2008-12-03T19:20:00.000-08:00

It wasn't something we really discussed or planned for but tonight we did it...

giving thanks

2008-12-01T13:41:00.000-08:00

Just 4 short weeks until our little darling's due date meant we were home for Thanksgiving. However, "home" for these days was with some dear friends of ours who manage the Rocking R Ranch in Longmont, CO. We had a leisurely morning and brunch at home and then headed to the ranch where we feasted. On Friday we enjoyed the wonderful weather with some good old cowboy-ing and a wonderful Christmas parade on Friday evening in the mountains. During the parade it started to snow and after a deep sleep in our own beds we woke to a white-blanketed world which called three little Hostetlers to come and play. Saturday evening we joined some friends for a brew party (Dwayne brews his own beer in his garage) and it inspired Mark to make his first holiday "mulled beer". Sunday we enjoyed our launch into the advent season at church and a quiet afternoon of football and snowfall.

So much to give thanks for...

Getting in the mood

2008-11-25T12:39:00.001-08:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

re: agave nectar

2008-11-23T14:08:00.000-08:00

FYI...
the alternative is the continued use of turbinado or raw sugar (for white sugar) and sucanat (for brown sugar) and honey when workable. The goal being to use foods that are unrefined or as close to unrefined as possible OR closest to their "whole" state or naturally occurring state in nature.

agave nectar

2008-11-22T14:03:00.001-08:00

I am super bummed about this...

http://nourishedkitchen.com/?p=247

I know, it is just a sweetener. But, as we have transitioned away from refined sugars I thought we had found a great solution in agave nectar. It is disappointing to find out otherwise.

the journey

2008-11-22T08:35:00.000-08:00

The Journey
By Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice—
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do—
determined to save
the only life you could save.

speaking

2008-11-21T09:11:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had someone speak into your life in such a way as to cause a "holy disruption"?

...words or "direction" that launched you on a journey with the Father that you couldn't predict but became profound
...an observation that may have meant something in particular to the individual giving it but turns into a vastly deep treasure box when you open your heart to it and the Trinity unpacks it for you
...with you
...for your rescue, the rescue of your heart
...maybe for the hearts of others
...someday

I have.

the sparrow, eh?

2008-11-21T08:27:00.000-08:00

How has he demonstrated this in your story this week?
He has certainly shown up in mine.

"But with God, who notes the fall of every sparrow, the events of our lives are thoughtfully and thoroughly orchestrated to bring about our redemption." ~ The Sacred Romance

savor

2008-11-19T14:44:00.000-08:00

savor:

Function: verb
Date: 14th century

intransitive verb
to have a specified smell or quality

transitive verb
1: to give flavor to : season
2 a: to have experience of: taste
b: to taste or smell with pleasure : relish c: to delight in : enjoy <savoring the moment>

related words...

relish

1: characteristic flavor ; especially : pleasing or zestful flavor
2: a quantity just sufficient to flavor or characterize
3 a: enjoyment of or delight in something that satisfies one's tastes, inclinations, or desires
b: a strong liking

enjoy

intransitive verb
: to have a good time

transitive verb
1 : to have for one's use, benefit, or lot :
2 : to take pleasure or satisfaction in

identity

2008-11-19T14:42:00.000-08:00

Identity

By Thomas Merton

If you want to identify me, ask me not where I live, or what I like to eat, or how I comb my hair, but ask me what I think I am living for, in detail, and ask me what I think is keeping me from living fully for the thing I want to live for. Between these two answers you can determine the identity of any person.

the miracle of learning

2008-11-18T06:32:00.000-08:00

Untitled from vaporlife on Vimeo.

truth

2008-11-17T21:30:00.001-08:00

By Muriel Rukeyser

What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life?
The world would split open.

Source: From Cries of the Spirit, edited by Marilyn Sewell

got this in an email...good stuff

2008-11-13T12:13:00.000-08:00

Life is short...
Forgive quickly
Kiss slowly
Love truly
Laugh uncontrollably...

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance.

inspiration

2008-11-12T19:34:00.000-08:00

enough

2008-11-12T18:29:00.000-08:00

Enough
by Patrice Vecchione

"You don’t have to have everything. Whatever it is, whatever you have within yourself, consider it enough, and that the Spirit behind, above, and below you will do the rest. Your house is enough; it’s got plenty of floor space, great windows. The goods stored in your cupboards are all you need. The place you live will give you what’s necessary. Notice how different it feels in your body to have enough. Try it. Say to yourself, 'It’s enough. What I have is what I need.' ”

beautiful day

2008-11-11T20:04:00.000-08:00

What a beautiful day it was here in Colorado! My desktop weather widget has been threatening rain/snow for the last couple of days but outside of a deliciously cloud-covered dreary day yesterday it has been beautiful. And there is nothing but sunny days in our near forecast.

November has been a wonderful month so far. It is project month around here. We have completely overhauled our house, shooting for the best arrangement for welcoming our newest little member. With the transition from fall to winter, we are fine tuning our organization in the form of extra hooks for coats, closets being rearranged and cleaned out, summer clothes being stored away and sweaters being put in the drawers, and a clean/empty garage to park our van in.

Our goal is to have all of our Christmas preparations done by the end of the month and we are well on our way. The only exception may be the baking...I love doing that all month. We hope/plan to continue and deepen our "intentional resting" in the month of December. I am really looking forward to enjoying this holiday season in a much more "present" way than I am sure I have spent many in the past. Plus, we don't know when our little darling will decide to make her appearance. I'd like to be sitting on the couch next to Mark with Ethan, Owen and Audrey cuddled in close, my feet up, Christmas tunes on, tree lit, hot cocoa in hand and the scent of my favorite Christmas candle in the air when the time comes!

We have a touch of the "yucks" around here...nothing real specific but nobody feels quite right...some have a little cough, some have tummy aches, some have runny noses. I hope that by the end of the week we have all these wrinkles ironed out. We have plans for some time with dear friends on Friday night and then Saturday we drop the kids with Amy and Josh for the night. Mark and I are looking forward to some lovely time as Mark and Lorrie for about 24 hours.

In the midst of it all, I am giving thanks for the treasured ways my Father is caring for and nurturing my heart. The depths he is reaching to and the ways he is speaking continue to confirm in my heart the things he has been whispering to me and inviting me to with Him this year.

celebrating fall

2008-11-02T14:10:00.000-08:00

We are finding all kinds of ways to celebrate fall. We have had such a lovely week of weather and have taken advantage of any time we could be outside. We also enjoyed a great fall hike and picnic, carving pumpkins and some trick-or-treating.

Scattering New Blessings

2008-10-31T13:47:00.000-07:00

By Edwina Gateley

Often we anxiously seek the will of God,
as if God had gleefully hidden dreams for us
deep in unfathomable places.
As if it were God’s intention
that our whole lives be spent
in endless searching for signs and directions
buried in obscurity.
The will of God is that which brings us
peace and fullness of life.
The will of God is the seed of our dreams
ever gestating with possibility
and longing to leap forward
scattering new and surprising blessings
in our gray reality.

Source: A Mystical Heart

...What an absolutely lovely God I have!

do you taste it?

2008-10-29T04:42:00.000-07:00

By Richard Rohr

“Thy kingdom come” means very clearly that the Kingdom is something that enters into this world, or, as Jesus puts it, “is close at hand.” Don’t project it into another world. It’s a reality that breaks into this world now and then, when people are like God. The Kingdom is the Really Real. When the Really Real happens, when the true self emerges, you have a taste of what Jesus says it’s all about. When that can happen in terms of structures or groups, when you have a free group of people who love the truth more than themselves, then you have a taste of the Kingdom descending to earth.

Source: Jesus’ Plan for a New World

captured by this in the wee hours...

2008-10-29T04:36:00.000-07:00

"Those of us who have been drawn to understand that God is our Father through conversion in Christ recapture the Romance again—for a while... God is in his heaven and all seems right in the universe.

But this side of Eden, even relationship with God brings us to a place where a deeper work in our heart is called for if we are to be able to continue our spiritual journey. It is in this desert experience of the heart, where we are stripped of the protective clothing of the roles we have played in our smaller stories... Healing, repentance, and faith are called for in ways we have not known previously. At this place on our journey, we face a wide and deep chasm that refuses us passage through self-effort. And it is God’s intention to use this place to eradicate the final heart walls and obstacles that separate us from him."

(The Sacred Romance , 126, 127)

...the deeper work
...His present hand and heart
...journey
...transformation
...love

bread and butter

2008-10-27T13:05:00.000-07:00

So, I just finished downing a very large piece of fresh from the oven bread with a generous portion of pumpkin butter smeared on top...this is a good day!

news that only matters to mommas and grandmommas

2008-10-27T08:25:00.000-07:00

One of the challenges I am facing while parenting through early childhood is how to think about/address the use of "bad words" and general name calling. It may seem black and white to some but I find it hard to explain, sometimes even to myself, the reasons why my children should not use certain words. At this point we are working mostly with... stupid, poopoo, peepee and heck. We have wanted to address it as an issue of the heart...name calling and the motivation behind it...but this is really hard to explain to a recently turned 2 year old.

Being the third, Audrey has the benefit of her brother's vast and various experience to draw from. Her vocabulary is incredible and she has the internal need to use more words (Definately part of our curse as women!). This can be a challenge in regards to this issue. Her favorite profanities are "poopoo", "stupy" and "holy cow" . That last one usually digresses into "holy heck". Can you even imagine this coming from her sweet little mouth? The boys came home with the word "heck" from an older boy at the farm, in the form of "what the heck?" Audrey latched onto the "heck" part after getting some strong reactions from her brothers in response to her saying it.

Honestly, THE most challenging part is not to bust out laughing every time she says it and most times we fail miserably.

In other news...

this is where I have been find the kids on these warm fall days

Owen almost busted out his front tooth on Mark's head last night during wrestle mania '08. It is loose and we are "encouraging" him to leave it alone. I couldn't leave it alone if it was in my mouth, how is he going to? Hopefully, we won't have a toothless 3 year old in a couple weeks.

Ethan is wow-ing us with his learning these days. We are having so much fun with school and it has been very encouraging to my heart to witness his enthusiasm. I love what I am learning about him in the process. Until about 3 months ago he has shown little interest in learning the traditional things that kids are learning in their pre-school years...like ABC's and 123's. We have provided the opportunities but he just hasn't cared. So, imagine my delight when he sits down at the table on Thursday, looks at a word search that was ripped out of a coloring book and proceeds to sound out and read the word "P-A-T" (the name of one of Handy Manny's tools). I love seeing the look in his eye when he "gets it". This was truly an "a-ha" moment.

And, I got my first cold of the season. I could have predicted it about 5 months ago. I have this nasty habit of getting sick as soon as I stop for some rest. We finished at the farm on Thursday and Friday I got a nice little sinus cold. Lovely!

Mark had a good time away on an Adullam Retreat this weekend. I think retreat season is over now for a while. Why is it that everyone thinks retreats should happen in April and October. There are 10 other months, can't we spread it out a bit?

deep breath

2008-10-23T20:07:00.000-07:00

We are officially done at the farm for the season. I just finished processing my last batch of peppers and tomatoes. Earlier this week Mark and I finished our last batch of applesauce. The canners are put away. All jars are filled with the exception of the 9 we have already opened and used. The bushel baskets in the garage are sorted. My upright freezer is COMPLETELY full. My counters are free of "organic" dirt for the first time since June.

It is time for a deep breath!

fall fun

2008-10-20T19:26:00.000-07:00

Enjoying one of our favorite fall activities and particularly that we have the "margin" to do so...

you gotta try this

2008-10-15T09:37:00.001-07:00

Pumpkin Butter

1 15-oz can pumpkin puree

½ cup agave nectar*

1 t. cinnamon

½ t. ginger

¼ t. ground cloves

1/8 t. nutmeg

Pinch of salt

Preparation:

Combine the pumpkin and agave nectar in a small saucepan over medium heat, mixing until well combined. Stirring constantly, cook for about 15 minutes, or until thickened. Stir in the spices and salt, and cook for about 5 minutes more. Remove the pan from heat, and transfer your pumpkin butter to a small heat-proof dish or jar. Let cool completely before covering and refrigerating. Pumpkin butter will keep for about 2 weeks in a covered container in the refrigerator.

*I used only 1/4 cup of light agave

birthday fun

2008-10-14T13:53:00.000-07:00

my birthday girl

2008-10-13T10:00:00.000-07:00

Our girl is 2. We are so enjoying all that is emerging from this little princess. Her vocabulary is incredible, her spunk and sweetness undo us and her hair leaves me speechless.

Unlike our boys, Audrey has not YET had to transition into being an older sibling. Ethan and Owen both had another new baby in the house before they turned 2. We have been mindful of these "extra" days with our girl before her sister arrives. We have been able to delight in and enjoy her with less distraction and we have loved every moment...well, almost. We weren't particularly enjoying her high-pitched protest this morning...she is beginning to redefine drama around here almost daily.

She is a delightful girl and now she is 2!

January 2008

February 2008

March 2008

April 2008

May 2008

June 2008

July 2008

August 2008

September 2008

arms wide open

2008-10-12T14:39:00.000-07:00

We have had 3 days of deliciously overcast skies and cozy cool temperatures. It has been the welcoming into fall that I cherish. Mark has been churning out the lattes and my creative juices have started to flow...both in the kitchen and with regard to fun projects for the holidays to come.

Friday night I pressure cooked and put up pumpkin to satisfy my growing cravings for breads, cookies, pies and anything else I can put pumpkin in. Saturday we enjoyed a very low key family day. We started the day pretty slowly but had to head out to look at a stroller we found on Craig's list. That turned out to be a marvelous blessing. Then we enjoyed a beautiful evening at a wedding of some friends in Colorado Springs...a glorious ceremony, amazing food and some funky dancing! I have decided to abandon all thoughts of what it must look like for a woman who is 7 months pregnant to try and groove...it was too much fun to ruin it with self-consciousness. Today has been slow and good too...mostly preparations for Audrey's big day tomorrow.

Among all of this and so much more, the Father has been wooing me toward some deeply important parts of my heart that need to be tended and in fact doing much of the tending for me. I am humbly grateful for His movement in my life and hand on my heart. I find within myself a more spacious place to exist as my life joins the natural slowing down that occurs in the world around me this time of year.

Something we heard at the wedding last night in a charge given to the couple was "embrace the transformation." ...my arms are wide open!

home again

2008-09-28T13:23:00.000-07:00

I love coming home! Even when we have just run to the grocery store there is always such a lovely feeling of relief when we arrive back at home. Today I felt this even more after being away since Friday evening.

One of my favorite moments when I returned was Audrey's greeting. She threw her arms around my neck, started patting my shoulder over and over and with a delighted grin says "Hi Momma, Hi. How are you? How are you Momma?" All the while, patting my shoulder over and over. This went on for about 5 minutes. She was so happy to have me back. The boys were sweet too. Ethan wanted to sit by me and cuddle. If I moved my arm he would grab it and wrap it around him again. Owen wanted to show me his new launch plane.

There is too much of the glorious to write down about my weekend but I was blessed with such a confirmation of the necessity of my time away when I returned and read this...

"How do we cultivate beauty? How do we become ever more beautiful? By tending to our hearts with great care, as a master gardener tends to her work...Our hearts need to feed on beauty to sustain them. We need times of solitude and silence. We need times of refreshment and laughter and rest. We need to listen to the voice of God in our hearts as He tells us what we need." Captivating

Tending our hearts...indeed.

live with it

2008-09-26T05:42:00.000-07:00

This has been a challenging season...of the year...for my life and my heart.

Whenever I am on a ferris wheel (granted it isn't too often, however...) I always deal with my imagination regarding what would happen if the wheel came unhooked from the structure which keeps it upright. The most of the end of this summer season has felt a bit like what I have imagined... Uncontrollable and Overwhelming!

I have spent some time (way too little) considering my life these past weeks. I have found...the schedule is too busy, my body is tired, my mind isn't sharp, my heart feels cold, I struggle to find my voice and know my own thoughts, tears come easily and at unexpected times, relationships are shallow or non-existent. I could go on.

I want to run away and start over.
And, my God lets me, indeed, He invites me...to run away with Him and start fresh in His love and mercy and grace. And He offers me this every moment! Now this is the kind of overwhelmed I can live with!

I am leaving later today for a short time of retreat at a friend's ranch in Longmont. And, on top of that another friend has offered to keep my kids for me this morning for a few hours...just because she loves like this. As tears stream down my face, gratefulness flows from my heart toward those (especially my man!) who will be who they are to make this possible for me and for my God, my Life-giver and giver-"back"er, who knows my heart and makes accommodation for it!

What You Desire

By Julian of Norwich

I am ground of your prayers.
First, it is my will that you have what you desire.
Later, I cause you to want it.
Later on, I cause you to pray for it, and you do so.
How then can you not have what you desire?

ahhhh...weekend

2008-09-07T15:23:00.000-07:00

I love weekends.
I love that our chocolate colored carpet is now its original vanilla color again because of Mark's hard work and drill-sargent determination (although he and the kids may all have ulcers by the end of today).
I love that I haven't touched a vegetable all day.
I love the cool breeze coming in the window.
I love that football is on.
I love that my husband likes to issue challenges for our family...the latest resulting in the my inability to purchase canned tomato soup therefore leading me to find an AMAZING recipe for a homemade version which is awaiting us for dinner. YUMMY!