26 September 2008

live with it

This has been a challenging season...of the year...for my life and my heart.

Whenever I am on a ferris wheel (granted it isn't too often, however...) I always deal with my imagination regarding what would happen if the wheel came unhooked from the structure which keeps it upright. The most of the end of this summer season has felt a bit like what I have imagined... Uncontrollable and Overwhelming!

I have spent some time (way too little) considering my life these past weeks. I have found...the schedule is too busy, my body is tired, my mind isn't sharp, my heart feels cold, I struggle to find my voice and know my own thoughts, tears come easily and at unexpected times, relationships are shallow or non-existent. I could go on.

I want to run away and start over.
And, my God lets me, indeed, He invites me...to run away with Him and start fresh in His love and mercy and grace. And He offers me this every moment! Now this is the kind of overwhelmed I can live with!

I am leaving later today for a short time of retreat at a friend's ranch in Longmont. And, on top of that another friend has offered to keep my kids for me this morning for a few hours...just because she loves like this. As tears stream down my face, gratefulness flows from my heart toward those (especially my man!) who will be who they are to make this possible for me and for my God, my Life-giver and giver-"back"er, who knows my heart and makes accommodation for it!

What You Desire

By Julian of Norwich

I am ground of your prayers.
First, it is my will that you have what you desire.
Later, I cause you to want it.
Later on, I cause you to pray for it, and you do so.
How then can you not have what you desire?



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