provocative

"Do you know what you’re trying to make happen? Are you willing to pay the price?"

- from Monday Morning Memo...Roy H Williams

words that can bring life

Letting this sink in...
From a newsletter from "The Noble Heart"...

"Erwin McManus wrote in his book Stand Against the Wind, "When we are in love with ourselves, we are prone to listen only to what we want to hear. We become willing to trade insight for affirmation. We want to feel good about ourselves more than we want to become good."

The pursuit of God and our calling is through the restoration and release of our heart. It is desire, not duty; passion, not passivity that leads and compel us in this pursuit. And yet on this narrow road of desire and passion, we are exposed to the deadly sheer drop-offs of self-centeredness.

To travel this essential road, we must build guard rails - structures that will save our life when we are too close to the edge, but may feel damaging when we encounter them.

Often our guard rails are the words of our friends."

better indeed

"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."
- Cyril Connolly

what do you think?

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. (Marianne Williamson)

believe

letting this sink in...again
and then thinking about the real meaning of Christmas...

"You are the son/daughter of a kind, strong, and engaged Father, a Father wise enough to guide you in the Way, generous enough to provide for your journey, offering to walk with you every step.

This is perhaps the hardest thing for us to believe—really believe, down deep in our hearts, so that it changes us forever, changes the way we approach each day.

I believe this is the core issue of our shared dilemma. We just don’t believe it. Our core assumptions about the world boil down to this: We are on our own to make life work. We are not watched over. We are not cared for. When we are hit with a problem, we have to figure it out ourselves, or just take the hit. If anything good is going to come our way, we’re the ones who are going to have to arrange for it. Many of us have called upon God as Father, but, frankly, he doesn’t seem to have heard. We’re not sure why. Maybe we didn’t do it right. Maybe he’s about more important matters. Whatever the reason, our experience of this world has framed our approach to life. We believe we are fatherless.

Whatever life has taught us, and though we may not have put it into these exact words, we feel that we are alone. Simply look at the way men live. If I were to give an honest assessment of my life for the past thirty years, I’d have to confess the bulk of it as Striving and Indulging. Pushing myself hard to excel, taking on the battles that come to me with determination but also with a fear-based drivenness, believing deep down inside that there is no one I can trust to come through for me. Striving. And then, arranging for little pleasures along the way to help ease the pain of the drivenness and loneliness. Dinners out, adventure gear. Indulging. A fatherless way to live.

...You are the son/daughter of a kind, strong, and engaged Father, a Father wise enough to guide you in the Way, generous enough to provide for your journey, offering to walk with you every step."

(The Way of The Wild Heart , 22-24)

the journey

The Journey
By Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice—
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do—
determined to save
the only life you could save.

the sparrow, eh?

How has he demonstrated this in your story this week?
He has certainly shown up in mine.

"But with God, who notes the fall of every sparrow, the events of our lives are thoughtfully and thoroughly orchestrated to bring about our redemption." ~ The Sacred Romance

savor

savor:

Function: verb

Date: 14th century

intransitive verb
to have a specified smell or quality

transitive verb
1: to give flavor to : season
2 a: to have experience of: taste
b: to taste or smell with pleasure : relish c: to delight in : enjoy <savoring the moment>


related words...

relish

1: characteristic flavor ; especially : pleasing or zestful flavor
2: a quantity just sufficient to flavor or characterize
3 a: enjoyment of or delight in something that satisfies one's tastes, inclinations, or desires
b: a strong liking


enjoy

intransitive verb
: to have a good time

transitive verb
1 : to have for one's use, benefit, or lot :
2 : to take pleasure or satisfaction in

identity

Identity

By Thomas Merton

If you want to identify me, ask me not where I live, or what I like to eat, or how I comb my hair, but ask me what I think I am living for, in detail, and ask me what I think is keeping me from living fully for the thing I want to live for. Between these two answers you can determine the identity of any person.

truth

By Muriel Rukeyser

What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life?
The world would split open.

Source: From Cries of the Spirit, edited by Marilyn Sewell

enough

Enough
by Patrice Vecchione

"You don’t have to have everything. Whatever it is, whatever you have within yourself, consider it enough, and that the Spirit behind, above, and below you will do the rest. Your house is enough; it’s got plenty of floor space, great windows. The goods stored in your cupboards are all you need. The place you live will give you what’s necessary. Notice how different it feels in your body to have enough. Try it. Say to yourself, 'It’s enough. What I have is what I need.' ”

Scattering New Blessings

By Edwina Gateley

Often we anxiously seek the will of God,
as if God had gleefully hidden dreams for us
deep in unfathomable places.
As if it were God’s intention
that our whole lives be spent
in endless searching for signs and directions
buried in obscurity.
The will of God is that which brings us
peace and fullness of life.
The will of God is the seed of our dreams
ever gestating with possibility
and longing to leap forward
scattering new and surprising blessings
in our gray reality.

Source: A Mystical Heart

...What an absolutely lovely God I have!

do you taste it?

By Richard Rohr

“Thy kingdom come” means very clearly that the Kingdom is something that enters into this world, or, as Jesus puts it, “is close at hand.” Don’t project it into another world. It’s a reality that breaks into this world now and then, when people are like God. The Kingdom is the Really Real. When the Really Real happens, when the true self emerges, you have a taste of what Jesus says it’s all about. When that can happen in terms of structures or groups, when you have a free group of people who love the truth more than themselves, then you have a taste of the Kingdom descending to earth.

Source: Jesus’ Plan for a New World

captured by this in the wee hours...

"Those of us who have been drawn to understand that God is our Father through conversion in Christ recapture the Romance again—for a while... God is in his heaven and all seems right in the universe.

But this side of Eden, even relationship with God brings us to a place where a deeper work in our heart is called for if we are to be able to continue our spiritual journey. It is in this desert experience of the heart, where we are stripped of the protective clothing of the roles we have played in our smaller stories... Healing, repentance, and faith are called for in ways we have not known previously. At this place on our journey, we face a wide and deep chasm that refuses us passage through self-effort. And it is God’s intention to use this place to eradicate the final heart walls and obstacles that separate us from him."

(The Sacred Romance , 126, 127)

...the deeper work
...His present hand and heart
...journey
...transformation
...love

arms wide open

We have had 3 days of deliciously overcast skies and cozy cool temperatures. It has been the welcoming into fall that I cherish. Mark has been churning out the lattes and my creative juices have started to flow...both in the kitchen and with regard to fun projects for the holidays to come.

Friday night I pressure cooked and put up pumpkin to satisfy my growing cravings for breads, cookies, pies and anything else I can put pumpkin in. Saturday we enjoyed a very low key family day. We started the day pretty slowly but had to head out to look at a stroller we found on Craig's list. That turned out to be a marvelous blessing. Then we enjoyed a beautiful evening at a wedding of some friends in Colorado Springs...a glorious ceremony, amazing food and some funky dancing! I have decided to abandon all thoughts of what it must look like for a woman who is 7 months pregnant to try and groove...it was too much fun to ruin it with self-consciousness. Today has been slow and good too...mostly preparations for Audrey's big day tomorrow.

Among all of this and so much more, the Father has been wooing me toward some deeply important parts of my heart that need to be tended and in fact doing much of the tending for me. I am humbly grateful for His movement in my life and hand on my heart. I find within myself a more spacious place to exist as my life joins the natural slowing down that occurs in the world around me this time of year.


Something we heard at the wedding last night in a charge given to the couple was "embrace the transformation." ...my arms are wide open!

home again

I love coming home! Even when we have just run to the grocery store there is always such a lovely feeling of relief when we arrive back at home. Today I felt this even more after being away since Friday evening.

One of my favorite moments when I returned was Audrey's greeting. She threw her arms around my neck, started patting my shoulder over and over and with a delighted grin says "Hi Momma, Hi. How are you? How are you Momma?" All the while, patting my shoulder over and over. This went on for about 5 minutes. She was so happy to have me back. The boys were sweet too. Ethan wanted to sit by me and cuddle. If I moved my arm he would grab it and wrap it around him again. Owen wanted to show me his new launch plane.

There is too much of the glorious to write down about my weekend but I was blessed with such a confirmation of the necessity of my time away when I returned and read this...

"How do we cultivate beauty? How do we become ever more beautiful? By tending to our hearts with great care, as a master gardener tends to her work...Our hearts need to feed on beauty to sustain them. We need times of solitude and silence. We need times of refreshment and laughter and rest. We need to listen to the voice of God in our hearts as He tells us what we need." Captivating

Tending our hearts...indeed.

live with it

This has been a challenging season...of the year...for my life and my heart.

Whenever I am on a ferris wheel (granted it isn't too often, however...) I always deal with my imagination regarding what would happen if the wheel came unhooked from the structure which keeps it upright. The most of the end of this summer season has felt a bit like what I have imagined... Uncontrollable and Overwhelming!

I have spent some time (way too little) considering my life these past weeks. I have found...the schedule is too busy, my body is tired, my mind isn't sharp, my heart feels cold, I struggle to find my voice and know my own thoughts, tears come easily and at unexpected times, relationships are shallow or non-existent. I could go on.

I want to run away and start over.
And, my God lets me, indeed, He invites me...to run away with Him and start fresh in His love and mercy and grace. And He offers me this every moment! Now this is the kind of overwhelmed I can live with!

I am leaving later today for a short time of retreat at a friend's ranch in Longmont. And, on top of that another friend has offered to keep my kids for me this morning for a few hours...just because she loves like this. As tears stream down my face, gratefulness flows from my heart toward those (especially my man!) who will be who they are to make this possible for me and for my God, my Life-giver and giver-"back"er, who knows my heart and makes accommodation for it!


What You Desire

By Julian of Norwich

I am ground of your prayers.
First, it is my will that you have what you desire.
Later, I cause you to want it.
Later on, I cause you to pray for it, and you do so.
How then can you not have what you desire?

momentous

This has been a momentous day...Ethan went to away to school for the day.

When we decided to home-school Ethan for kindergarten it was with the intention of this being a year that we would balance his time at home with significant opportunities outside our home in preparation for the day he will go off to school. We have been blessed with many, but most exciting for Ethan is his day at "Options". This is an enrichment program where he spends the day participating in a more traditional school setting...classrooms, teachers, other students, room changes, lunch! He has anxiously counted down to the start of, as he put it, "the first day of his whole life!"

It was with a vast array of emotions that Mark and I dropped him off this morning. As each hour passed, with great delight, I checked his schedule to find out what he was participating in at the moment. And, thoroughly enjoyed popping into the last few minutes of his final class...karate!

It is incredible to me how different it was to operate for most of the daytime hours with only 2 children at home. I am looking forward to all the ways that Thursday's will be different. And, I am prayerful about the wisdom to deal with how all these ways will change our family dynamic.

packing his backpack

oatmeal for breakfast



off he goes

the drought

Ok, so it's time to end the drought.

I have been composing posts in my imagination for the last month but have never gotten around to actually posting any of them. Most of them had to do with what we were up to or something cute the kids have done...things and moments I cherish. But, the idea that has occupied a more consistent place in my thoughts this past month is the idea of "getting my life back".

Early in August we took a camping trip with family...a good time! About 3 weeks prior to that I began working on the preparations for that trip. It wasn't until this past week/weekend that I felt that I began to get my life back. Somehow, it has slipped away from me...or been stolen...both. I like my life, my heart and the way of my soul. But, the most real parts of me have been missing.

I want my life back and I will be fierce in the retrieval of it. I feel this is as much of an act of worship and obedience to my Beloved as it is something I want to do for myself and my beloved (Mark and the kids). I may or may not let you know how it goes...but my guess is you will know if you know me!

truly

Much Abides

By Alfred Lord Tennyson

Tho’ much is taken, much abides,
and though
we are not that strength
which in old days
moved earth and heaven, that
which we are, we are.
One equal temper of heroic beauty
made weak by time and fate, but
strong in will
to strive, to seek, to find, and not
to yield.