closer to the clouds

28 September 2008

home again

I love coming home! Even when we have just run to the grocery store there is always such a lovely feeling of relief when we arrive back at home. Today I felt this even more after being away since Friday evening.

One of my favorite moments when I returned was Audrey's greeting. She threw her arms around my neck, started patting my shoulder over and over and with a delighted grin says "Hi Momma, Hi. How are you? How are you Momma?" All the while, patting my shoulder over and over. This went on for about 5 minutes. She was so happy to have me back. The boys were sweet too. Ethan wanted to sit by me and cuddle. If I moved my arm he would grab it and wrap it around him again. Owen wanted to show me his new launch plane.

There is too much of the glorious to write down about my weekend but I was blessed with such a confirmation of the necessity of my time away when I returned and read this...

"How do we cultivate beauty? How do we become ever more beautiful? By tending to our hearts with great care, as a master gardener tends to her work...Our hearts need to feed on beauty to sustain them. We need times of solitude and silence. We need times of refreshment and laughter and rest. We need to listen to the voice of God in our hearts as He tells us what we need." Captivating

Tending our hearts...indeed.


26 September 2008

live with it

This has been a challenging season...of the year...for my life and my heart.

Whenever I am on a ferris wheel (granted it isn't too often, however...) I always deal with my imagination regarding what would happen if the wheel came unhooked from the structure which keeps it upright. The most of the end of this summer season has felt a bit like what I have imagined... Uncontrollable and Overwhelming!

I have spent some time (way too little) considering my life these past weeks. I have found...the schedule is too busy, my body is tired, my mind isn't sharp, my heart feels cold, I struggle to find my voice and know my own thoughts, tears come easily and at unexpected times, relationships are shallow or non-existent. I could go on.

I want to run away and start over.
And, my God lets me, indeed, He invites run away with Him and start fresh in His love and mercy and grace. And He offers me this every moment! Now this is the kind of overwhelmed I can live with!

I am leaving later today for a short time of retreat at a friend's ranch in Longmont. And, on top of that another friend has offered to keep my kids for me this morning for a few hours...just because she loves like this. As tears stream down my face, gratefulness flows from my heart toward those (especially my man!) who will be who they are to make this possible for me and for my God, my Life-giver and giver-"back"er, who knows my heart and makes accommodation for it!

What You Desire

By Julian of Norwich

I am ground of your prayers.
First, it is my will that you have what you desire.
Later, I cause you to want it.
Later on, I cause you to pray for it, and you do so.
How then can you not have what you desire?


07 September 2008


I love weekends.
I love that our chocolate colored carpet is now its original vanilla color again because of Mark's hard work and drill-sargent determination (although he and the kids may all have ulcers by the end of today).
I love that I haven't touched a vegetable all day.
I love the cool breeze coming in the window.
I love that football is on.
I love that my husband likes to issue challenges for our family...the latest resulting in the my inability to purchase canned tomato soup therefore leading me to find an AMAZING recipe for a homemade version which is awaiting us for dinner. YUMMY!


04 September 2008


This has been a momentous day...Ethan went to away to school for the day.

When we decided to home-school Ethan for kindergarten it was with the intention of this being a year that we would balance his time at home with significant opportunities outside our home in preparation for the day he will go off to school. We have been blessed with many, but most exciting for Ethan is his day at "Options". This is an enrichment program where he spends the day participating in a more traditional school setting...classrooms, teachers, other students, room changes, lunch! He has anxiously counted down to the start of, as he put it, "the first day of his whole life!"

It was with a vast array of emotions that Mark and I dropped him off this morning. As each hour passed, with great delight, I checked his schedule to find out what he was participating in at the moment. And, thoroughly enjoyed popping into the last few minutes of his final class...karate!

It is incredible to me how different it was to operate for most of the daytime hours with only 2 children at home. I am looking forward to all the ways that Thursday's will be different. And, I am prayerful about the wisdom to deal with how all these ways will change our family dynamic.

packing his backpack

oatmeal for breakfast

off he goes

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03 September 2008

the drought

Ok, so it's time to end the drought.

I have been composing posts in my imagination for the last month but have never gotten around to actually posting any of them. Most of them had to do with what we were up to or something cute the kids have done...things and moments I cherish. But, the idea that has occupied a more consistent place in my thoughts this past month is the idea of "getting my life back".

Early in August we took a camping trip with family...a good time! About 3 weeks prior to that I began working on the preparations for that trip. It wasn't until this past week/weekend that I felt that I began to get my life back. Somehow, it has slipped away from me...or been stolen...both. I like my life, my heart and the way of my soul. But, the most real parts of me have been missing.

I want my life back and I will be fierce in the retrieval of it. I feel this is as much of an act of worship and obedience to my Beloved as it is something I want to do for myself and my beloved (Mark and the kids). I may or may not let you know how it goes...but my guess is you will know if you know me!