closer to the clouds

20 May 2008


Saturday we were invited to have dinner with some new friends. Kirk and Kathy are ranch managers at a ranch for cutting horses in Longmont...about an hour north of us. I met Kathy at the Captivating retreat and we made sure that Mark and Kirk met at the Advanced Retreat. When I told the boys about it Ethan said, "I should probably wear my cowboy boots." Of course you better!

The ranch was beautiful, the company was refreshing, the meal was delicious and our two little cowboys were a complete delight. They didn't have to pretend...they WERE cowboys!

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14 May 2008

a larger story

Ethan was at the doctor on Monday for his 5 year old wellness visit.

I love these appointments because you get to see things in your child that you don't always see at home in the daily. Once the doctor gets all the pertinent information from me that he needs he interacts with the child and I choose to step back and allow what will occur to occur without my influence. I observe their development on display with a mixture of delight and almost pain...what I see is always so beautiful it breaks my heart. As a mother I truly understand the quote, "Only beauty and affliction can pierce the human heart."

Ethan's visit did not disappoint.

While the doc asked me the things he needed to Ethan sat in the chair in his underwear casually looking through a book. Ethan's turn for questions came and though he didn't put his book down I could tell he was listening when the doctor started asking him a series of questions to get a gauge on his understanding of the world.

Dr: Do you know your colors? (places 5 blocks on the table and begins pointing to each waiting for a reply)
E: blue, red, yellow, green, red
Dr: Can you count the blocks?
E: (points to each as he says...) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5
Dr: What do you do with a banana?
E: put it in a basket
Dr: What? What do you do with a banana?
E: (still casually looking at the book) put it in a basket (I understand this because at home we pull apart our bananas and put them in a basket...dr does not! Dr looks at me as if to say...why would he say that?)
Dr: What does a monkey do with a banana?
E: He eats it.
Dr: Mommy is a woman. Daddy is a ...?
E: King (still casually flipping through his book)
Dr: What?
E: (looks up from his book directly at the doctor and says...)KING!

It still makes me laugh as I write it down! After a little chuckle, the doctor asked Ethan why daddy is a king to which he replied..."I am the knight, Daddy is the King, Mommy is the Queen." We had been pretending in the yard the previous evening and Ethan was still living in that story. Ethan is almost always living in a grand story of some kind. I was just delighted to know that we are a part of it too!

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06 May 2008


St. Augustine

People travel to wonder at the height of mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the long courses of rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the stars; and they pass themselves by without wondering.

Source: A.D. 354-430, Confessions


05 May 2008

growing up

This morning I was almost brought to tears when Ethan brought me his beloved blankie and said. "I want to give this away. I am not going to suck my fingers anymore and so I don't need it. I am five now." He was so sincere and it was obvious that he believes that the key to him being successful at not sucking his fingers is to give his blankie away. I am not sure what is was about this moment that made my emotions rise to the surface...maybe the whisper in my soul "he is growing up".

A little later on I felt I needed to document this day with a picture and so I asked him to hold it. He laced his fingers through the ratty edge (the one that has been re-croched numerous can see in the picture that most of it is missing again) like he always has and said "I need this a little bit more."

I am glad he isn't grown up just yet!

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01 May 2008

when Mark is away

Mark is away until Sunday. He left last night for the Advanced (retreat offered to men who have previously attended Boot Camp...offered by Ransomed Heart). The kids and I woke to a May 1st snow won't last - thankfully, but is sure is beautiful...SO white!

Today has been a cozy day at home...including grilled cheese and tomato soup for lunch. I don't know how many more days I will feel like having that meal. It is one of those kinds of food the weather has to call for if you know what I mean.

I am looking forward to my quiet evenings alone after the kids go to bed. I am an ascetic at heart and so I welcome these hours of solitude...they refresh me...deeply. I hope to do some things I enjoy and go to bed the moment I feel tired. That is a rare gift!

It is hard to believe it is May already. Our world is telling of spring in such lovely ways. I am especially fond of our flowering plum trees in the back yard. What a delightful surprise...white delicate blossoms emerged at the beginning of this week. I love walking under all the flowering trees on my morning walks...I pretend I am in a garden. The sun is coming up so much earlier that I most often miss the actual moment of sunrise. In place of this I get to see the sun and the moon occupying the same early morning is beautiful. I will miss my walks these days Mark is away. But, I will enjoy something else instead!