without pay: post 5

I had hoped to keep a daily record of the ways that God spoke... moved... invited through this time but alas life has required of me the time I would have spent blogging. I can't say that is disappointing for me in any way. Except for the fact that I felt "taken out" at the end of last week and on Monday (not the weekend so much) so it didn't feel as much like my choice as much as a way of reacting...not my preferable way of living...not really living at all only existing so to speak.

As I write I am enjoying a hot cup of blueberry tea and some maple walnut scones. I am not trying to rub it in. I just wanted to invite you to celebrate God's lavish ways of loving with me...I got the scones at the food pantry I visited yesterday.

As we have tried to "plan" for this time of limited to no income I knew we would have limit our expenses and drastically reduce or eliminate others. Well, food was not something we could eliminate but I felt sure we could reduce in that area. Wes (Mark's mentor and our family friend) shared our situation with a gal at church who I have come to learn has been (with her husband and 4 children) in a similar situation for that last year and was anxious to talk. Wes encouraged me to call her and I did. That was last Monday (our first day "without pay"). We were instantly bonded through our details and she told me about the food pantry they have been going to every Tuesday for these last months. We connected over how these times energize us and become like an "on switch" to something that calls the strength in us to rally and not just cope but thrive.

As we wrapped up our conversation she said, "So, will I see you tomorrow?" I gave her some lame explanation about how we were expecting to have income within the next couple of days so I would give it a week and see if we really "needed" to participate. Her boldness in asking me if I would be there rattled me. In theory it sounded great - free groceries - but her question exposed my preference in letting it remain a theory. So, yesterday I met her. As I drove there (alone - hallelujah! - because Mark was home) I grappled over whether or not we should really be doing this. I was talking to God "well, there is some money in the bank, maybe I should wait." He was saying... "keep driving".

As I went through the line I couldn't believe how loved I felt...as I picked out yogurt for the kids and milk and eggs and bread. And then, I saw the scones...and I was nearly undone.

And then it hit me...this isn't about food.